Saturday, April 30, 2016
My last post, I believe, was written on April 3. It was a period of time during which I was feeling beyond stressed out. From that point until today, I haven’t been able to write a word. Nothing.
My brother was very ill and passed away on April 6th. (R.I.P., Joseph D. Masterson). My life came to a screeching halt. Those of you who have experienced profound loss, know that there’s a fog that seems to descend upon you and engulf your very being. You walk, talk, function, but it’s amid a bubble that seems to envelop you — at least that’s the way it’s been for me.
My “writer friends” told me to write it out; I couldn’t. They said it would be cathartic. I didn’t want that — I wanted him back. Now. For just one more conversation, one more laugh. Of course, that’s not going to happen.
In the part of his eulogy that I wrote, I thanked him for the impact he had on my life. It was huge. He taught me not only to understand Shakespeare, but to LOVE him. I mentioned Hemingway, Steinbeck and a host of other authors to whom he “introduced” me. He taught me to fight AGAINST discrimination and FOR feminism. Respecting the opinions of others is a great lesson to learn from an older sibling. There was that — and SO much more.
My brother was a Type 2 Diabetic (insulin dependent) who chose not to control his diet. I only hope that I learn from his mistakes. I promised myself that I will follow a healthy diet and exercise, in a effort to control my diabetes — as a tribute to him.
This segment of Lessons Learned (A.) is about the impact of the loss of a loved one on the monitoring of my diabetes. Maybe I should say the LACK of monitoring. No appetite. NONE. I forced myself to eat to the best of my ability during these weeks. I learned that sadness robbed me of my appetite, my everything. I kept telling myself that I HAD to eat because of this damned disease — and I did. Not much, but I did.
24 days have passed since my brother left this earth, and as I write this post, I realize that I’m doing exactly what he would NOT want me to do. So, as of tomorrow, May 1st, I will do what I need to do to stay healthy. I’ll do it, with tears in my eyes; but, I’ll do it.
Lessons Learned (B.) will be posted tomorrow…