ARE YOU KIDDING ME..?

…I said to myself, this morning.

I hate it when people say, “Life just got in the way…”  Nonsense! I LET it drag me in other directions. It’s called PROCRASTINATION. I could make excuses all day long, but in the end, procrastination reigned.

Why would I put off writing my blog? I LOVE to write! I HATE diabetes, though, so writing about it, became an issue. I asked myself,  Why? I’ve been doing it for years! Does the “WHY” really matter at this point? I’ve decided that, “NO, it does NOT matter.” I’m moving on.I’m back to being “one” with my T2D. I let my routines get out of hand and of course you know what that means. (Dive into a vat of chocolate!)

I have the best doctor on the planet — she’s amazing! I went a couple of weeks ago for my 3-month diabetes check up. She looked at my numbers, and said, “WHAT have you been doing?” I responded, “eating.” She gave me that over the glasses look. “Well, I’ve been eating everything that’s not nailed down. I actually walked into a bakery — ME in a bakery! It wasn’t pretty.” She had a one word response: “Why?” I told her that, “evidently, I’m a stress eater.” She rolled her eyes, letting me know that — we knew that. Stress has always been a trigger.  We talked about what was stressing me out,and how to best handle the issue. What she didn’t do was make me feel worse. Instead, she encouraged me to get back on track, write what I’m eating, and note my blood sugar before and after meals, and WALK. “You can do this,” were her parting words. I left her office feeling better.

I was in a funk, so my new found optimism was rapidly sliding down. The good news is I didn’t let it take control. I went food shopping WITH a list, went home and promised myself that the funk will not take control again. I am addicted to sugar, so one of the first things I did when I got home, was to make some sugar-free Raspberry Jello. It helps when the craving gets bad. I’d bought fish — flounder stuffed with crabmeat, swordfish, and salmon. I love fresh lemon squeezed over the fish. I divided my treasure into portions and froze them. I’ll be fine — One Day at a Time.

The most important step that I took, was getting back to writing my blog. Writing is cathartic and when I get responses, I feel uplifted.

photography of chimpanzee
Photo by Yigithan Bal on Pexels.com

Oh! Humor is good too. It gets those endorphins pumping. 🙂

Good luck with your diabetic journey. You’ll be hearing from me soon. XOXO to all of you who are working hard and sending good vibes to those of you who are not. We’ve all been there,

 

 

 

 

Dr. Visit…

Ugh. I’ve not been looking forward to this.

Last week I went for my blood work so my doctor would have it prior to my visit. Friday was my appointment.

She was thrilled. My blood work was great. A1C = 6.6. She was happy, I was disappointed, actually, amazed!  “If you saw what I’ve been eating, you’d never believe that’s accurate.” Dr. G responded, “It will catch up to you, you know that.”  Yeah, yeah. I didn’t respond — she’s ALWAYS right.

For awhile now, I’ve been taking two Metformin instead of three. My goal is to get off them completely. The ONLY way to do that is to stay on track — no diversions. Lately, I’ve been the Queen of Diversions! 

A little over a week ago denial crept in (with a vengeance). I actually ate potato chips and onion dip. 😦  It didn’t kill me, but what a stupid decision. And then there was the pie…cookies… Yes, I didn’t fall off the “wagon” I took a deep-dive plunge. Ugh.

The good news is, I’m back to healthy choices. If I have to have desserts, I’ll be heading to my sugar free Jello or small portions of fresh fruit.

Just remember there is such a thing as TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING (fruit can fall right into that category!)

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Monitor glucose regularly

Obviously, I didn’t do too much damage, or 6.6 would have been WAY higher. I absolutely do NOT want to go back to 3 Metformin/day, so I’m re-committing myself again to staying on track — DAMN IT! It’s all about accountability, as always. There’s no hiding those numbers and not taking my blood sugar, is just plain irresponsible. I’m determined.

I know that when I’m dedicated and determined, I get involved in a project using my hands. I know when I do the artsy/craftsy thing, I won’t snack/eat the wrong foods.

I know that when I sit and watch TV, I’m putting myself at risk. Gigunda risk!!! I become bored and troll the cabinets for something “bad.” Rarely do I find anything, because I don’t buy the foods/snacks that I know I shouldn’t be eating. I wish I could tell you that I give up and go back to watching the tube. That would not be true. There are times when I cave. I’ve walked and driven to the corner store or the gas station for a candy bar to “tide me over.”  (I sound like a drug addict. Well, sugar IS a drug!) .

Diabetes sucks. Yes, it does. BUT, there are worse diseases, that’s for sure! So, I’ll be grateful and get back on the bike and do the right thing — one day at a time.

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This disease is one heck of a roller-coaster, that’s for sure. Better days ahead.

Back to DAY #1!

 

UGH! What happened? –OR– Back to the Basics! Burnout..?

February 18, 2017

No matter what I do with my Type 2 Diabetes, all roads point back to the BASICS! I know what to do, we all do, correct?

  • Monitor my blood sugar
  • Eat properly
  • Exercise
  • Blah, blah!

It’s just NOT all that difficult, folks, so why my frustration? Sometimes, I just don’t know which direction to go… 

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London

Maybe it’s the repetitiveness of it — day in, day out… But, c’mon. People have WAY worse diseases/conditions than diabetes. So much of it is simply an inconvenience, the real issue for me is the cravings. Yes — it’s ALL a pain in the butt, but not an earth-shattering nightmare. Is it diabetes burnout? Is there even such a thing? Yes! (See link)

Look at that! — not really a surprise, but I haven’t read about it (burnout) in a  l o n g  time.

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It’s the answers that count. Here are a few, if you’re “feeling the pain” — (not literally pain, but feeling the burnout of T2D:

*Accept the damn diagnosis! Again.  I do think it has to be accepted every day, otherwise, the denial builds up. (Faster than a speeding bullet!)

*DO monitor blood sugar regularly and, yes, a chart helps to keep track. [Putting my big girl pants on and just charting it AGAIN.]

 

*Put on the damn sneakers and move your butt. (That’s called EXERCISE, which in my world is walking, and walking, and walking.)  If your exercise of choice is the gym — go for it!

 

                                                             [A little levity never hurt.]     🙂

*Eating properly — yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the answer to that might just be changing it up a bit. “It” being the menu. I KNOW I need to work on that, because I’ve been bored to tears with what I’ve been eating lately — and, a lot of the time I’ve been eating on the run. “On the run” has never worked for me, so I’ll be doing some extra planning.

Many posts back, I ended by listing my blood sugar level and my weight. Somewhere along the line, I stopped doing it. What was I thinking? It’s certainly a good practice to keep me on track and accountable. So, I’ll be doing it again — starting right now:

Blood Sugar:     109          Weight:     149 lbs.

There — I did it!

I have a doctor’s appointment on the 24th, so I’ll see what she has to say about my A1C. 

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                 Good luck, folks! From your very DEDICATED  and  DETERMINED DIABETIC.

“If it’s not one thing, it’s another.” — Gilda Radner

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Gilda was right. It’s life (in the big city); you fix one issue and another goes down the tubes. I master my portion control, and “Why aren’t you walking?”

Sometimes, it’s just an uphill battle   IMG_4415but,  fret not.  I can do one day at a time and get all my T2D ducks in a row.

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One Day at a Time!

So, it’s all about acceptance, isn’t it? I accepted the reality that I have diabetes, years ago but, the day-to-day issues are one royal pain in the butt! That’s where Jeff Griffith’s song comes into play.      🙂      Enjoy!

Bottom line = IT’S ALL GOOD, when it’s one-day-at-a-time!

 

 

My Scale and MOI!

Saturday, March 26th

I don’t understand it.  I’ve never lied to my scale. NOT once!

I don’t even weigh myself naked, in an effort to get a lower number!  Just tell me the truth, clothes and all (minus the shoes, of course. Get real!).

I thought we had a good relationship, my scale and moi. I didn’t lie to it; I thought, it told me the truth.  I’ve even referred to my scale as the “truth teller.” How much more faith can you have in something? I trusted it; considered what it told me to be Gospel. But it lied, it exaggerated, it understated — it simply could not be truthful. It even got so caught up in its falsehoods that it didn’t know what the truth was anymore.  My scale was a pool of inaccuracies. I felt betrayed. As a Type 2 Diabetic, truth about my weight is imperative.

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My “old” (LYING) scale!

I gave it a chance. I DID! Remember, a few blogs back, I said I’d give it a few days — and then, it’s deception became rampant.  Every time I hopped on, it gave me a different number — NO consistency.  I screamed at it, TELL ME THE TRUTH!  There was silence and then more LIES, deceit, myths.  I couldn’t take it anymore. Honesty was no longer the cement that held our partnership together.    😦

Just as in any longstanding relationship, when the cloud of deception surrounds the “beings,” it’s over! There’s no way out.  I needed HELP, that’s for sure.

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Counseling? No point.  It’s too late. I felt as though our entire relationship was fictitious, a fairytale gone bad. I decided to let go!  I thought back over the many years we’ve been together, my scale and moi. Seems like 5 but time flies, so I’ll bet its ten years by now. In the beginning, it told me the truth. I’m sure it did. Then, after a while, I did start comparing the number on my scale to my doctor’s reading and, when I came home and hopped on, I told myself the doctor’s scale was wrong.  Mine would never lie…  I held on and went deeper into denial. I blame myself for that.

TODAY, I decided, was the day I would be released from its dishonesty. I felt my scale had been disloyal to me. AND, worse still, it made me lie to YOU. I didn’t know it, but my scale knew and it let me report my inaccurate weight anyway.  It made a fool of me.There’s no more denying it.

A quote from Aesop’s Fables, “A liar will not be believed even when he speaks the truth.” That’s where we are now, my scale and moi. Garbage day is Monday, and I’m kicking you to the curb.

I’m heading out shortly to Bed, Bath and Beyond to purchase a NEW, MORE HONEST “truth teller” and start a genuine, trustworthy relationship with my NEW scale and moi!

Blood Sugar = 103      WeightI am unable to give you an accurate report, because my lying scale can’t tell the truth.   If you want to guess — let’s say it’s about 129 lbs.   🙂   Now THAT’S a lie!

 

 

Accepting Responsibility —

 

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Accepting responsibility is the name of the game, Correct? It’s MY Type 2 Diabetes, MY food, MY exercise, MY sleep habits, MY everything! So, how can I possibly BLAME anyone or anything else for my lack of discipline in these areas?  I can’t

So…

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That’s the bottom line!    

Blood Sugar = 102              Weight:  148.6 lbs.

 

 

Learning From Others

REALLY early this morning, around 1:30 I think, I questioned just how “dedicated” I am to blogging.  I mentioned how Bill at “Simple Living Over Fifty” inserts his blood sugar and weight at the end of each post.  I was hesitant, thinking of it as a confession of sorts. Nonetheless, I committed to doing it. I expect two things will happen — it will force me to blog daily (or a minimum of 3-4 times a week) and doing this will help to keep me accountable, to myself if no one else.

As promised, I took my blood sugar first thing this morning, made my breakfast and before eating it, (of course!), I hopped on the scale. Quickly, I booted up my laptop and typed into today’s post my blood sugar and weight right away.   Pushing my laptop aside, I ate my epicurean delight (using the term loosely), and will finish the blog later on.

This is “later on.”

I’ve been reading a great deal about diabetes lately, Type 2 in particular — books, articles, blogs. My thinking is to immerse myself to the degree that it will all become second nature, again!  It was, for many years, but for some reason I’ve been having difficulty. I’m reviewing information that I know, as reinforcement, and filing away what I’m learning, so that it’s there when I need it. This Type 2 diabetic is convinced that this is a good practice. Diabetes certainly is the epitome of life-long learning, and I’m all about that in every area of my life!  🙂

So, as the author of  Diary of a Dedicated Diabetic, I’ll be blogging my brains out, learning from others, and letting you know anything new that I learn, along with the “old” pearls of wisdom that help to keep me on track. I’m determined and dedicated!

Blood Sugar = 121     148.8 lbs.                    [Thanks for that, Bill!]  🙂

Reassessing Acceptance

Second Post for Jan. 28th, 2016

So, I’ve been contemplating whether or not I REALLY accept the “fact” that I have diabetes, OR am I in denial?  Hmmm.  I thought I had this down pat.

I remember well, when I accepted that I had this disease and that I could manage it, and that it wouldn’t be a big deal. Doing EVERYTHING right, I called myself the “poster person for diabetes.” But that didn’t happen until I went through many stages, some of which I’ll mention.  These are all very normal and typical, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

The anger, (This is crap! Why me?). I actually ate AT the diabetes. (While stuffing cake and cookies down my throat, I remember thinking,  I’ll show you!)  Needless to say, that didn’t work out well.

The bargaining (O.K., so maybe I have it.  I’ll just cut down on the carbs, and I’ll be off the hook.  I’ll be fine.  C’mon God, work with me.).

The denial stage is wicked (NOT ME; NO WAY! NO, NO, No!  The lab made a mistake.) …and the beat went on and on and on, until FINALLY — ACCEPTANCE!

WHY then, after all this time, am I floundering, doubting? Why is acceptance even an issue or something that I would be discussing, at this point?

Simple. What I didn’t realize was that because you HAVE acceptance, does NOT mean you’ll keep it!  Acceptance, it seems, is fragile. If I’m not as vigilant as I should be, acceptance can slip away.

Over the years, I’ve learned the importance of education in relation to diabetes. I spent a great deal of time today reading about diabetes.  I have LOTS of what I refer to as “spiritual reading,” on the topic.  🙂    Books — TONS of them.  Article, after article (including the ones noted, via the links on this page).  It helped. It clarified what I already knew, and brought it right to the front of my mind where it belongs. The information is important, it’s a tool, sometimes a weapon, to defend my health. If you are struggling, I highly recommend going back to the resources that you have. Read, read, read.

I know, we all know, that we have to keep our diabetes management right at the forefront of our minds.  I HAS to be the most important thought that enters my head.

Are you familiar with Steve Harvey?  I’ve read his books, and I love his positive attitude. Today, I heard him say, “Inch by inch, everything’s a cinch!”  Isn’t that the truth?  One step at a time, one meal at a time, one day at a time.

** Now that I’ve “reassessed” whether or not I really have diabetes, I’m laughing at myself.  How absurd! Of course I do. But, trust me, that denial just creeps in when you least expect it.  BE AWARE!

Moving on — tomorrow will be another Day #1!

It can be COMPLICATED —

I’m speaking about my computer “complications” — that’s why I’ve been missing in action for a little while.

NOTHING frustrates me more than when all does NOT go well with my “toys” (laptop, iPad, iPhone).  Ah, yet another addiction.  For some reason, nothing is syncing.  Therefore, I can’t post pictures on my blog, at this time (using some “old” ones — sorry); I’m unable to write and send my work out — e-mail issue (I’ve been doing battle with aol about that).  Why do the companies blame each other? I’m determined that by the weekend, my toys will be back on track!

Okay, my title is “It can be COMPLICATED,” and of course you know that diabetes is complicated — whether it be Type 1 or 2.  I’m Type 2, so that’s what I’ll be discussing, and I’ll be surprised if you can’t relate.  {By the way, I realize that we all DO really know the answers to my questions and reasons for my frustration; somehow, it’s still FRUSTRATING.}

This is not a discussion about the medical complications resulting from diabetes — I’m not there and grateful for it. This is simply a discussion about how complicated and frustrating the management of it can be…and what we can DO about that.

The ups and downs of blood glucose ARE complicated — at least to this Dedicated Diabetic, as proven by many posts to this blog (Diary).  Sometimes it’s simple, I write everything down, walk — my blood sugar goes down = Perfecto!  Other times, I end up in the hospital, for something completely unrelated, I walk the halls like a maniac in an attempt to keep my numbers down.  Result = They go up anyway.  Never fails.

You know how it goes.  I go to bed with a 99 and wake up with a 130!  Am I sleep-eating?  AAarrrggghhh!

It just is the way it is.  It’s a puzzle — even though I’ve read the books, met with the doctors, attended the seminars, blah, blah, blah.  Is this reaction a lack of acceptance? I wonder?  I find it hard to believe, but I’ll be delving into that further in the next few days.

As far as what to “do” about it. I’m just going to keep on keeping on, examining advice from others in this boat, and doing the right things to manage this crazy thing called diabetes.  I AM and will continue to be DEDICATED, determined.

Hey Kathy, I scream out at the top of my lungs — SHUT UP AND BE GRATEFUL!

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…and I am.  Thanks for listening.

Any ideas that work for you??????

🙂

“Acceptance”

Monday, September 22, 2014

Once I accepted that I actually had diabetes, I set out to become the poster-person for what I termed, “this miserable disease.”

Not happily, I went on medication. “Not for long,” I told my doctor. Believing that I could do this with diet and exercise, I set about on my journey to lower my blood sugar. Come hell or high water!

No more cakes, cookies, candy, OH, MY! This wasn’t going to be easy, but I was determined. Apples became my salvation — sliced VERY thin (kind of like potato chips, but not). I brought them to work, and devoured them at home. No, it wasn’t the same, but my blood sugar was coming down.

Next on my agenda was exercise. HAHAHAHA! No, really. That’s what they told me to do. This girl was not about to darken the doorway of any self-respecting gym; it just wasn’t going to happen.

I was told that walking, plain old walking, would bring down my blood sugar. I can walk. And walk I did! Evidently, this basic form of exercise has a great effect on belly-fat. Seriously, it was falling off me — probably left in the street somewhere 🙂
You might not have said I was Overweight, but I did need to lose some pounds, and walking did it.

Started WALKING!
Started WALKING!

It wasn’t long before I could see the results. I did notice something else though, my blood sugar was going down and so was I. I began to feel light-headed and sometimes actually passing out. After conferring with my doctor, we decided that I would stop the medication. I did it! I succeeded in lowering my blood sugar through diet and exercise. I thought I was “cured!” Maybe not…