The Message…

Monday, June 27, 2016

Whaaa, whaaa, whaaaaaaaa!

No more, I’m done! I realized last week that I have been procrastinating beyond belief, and let me tell you — I can procrastinate!

When my brother became ill and passed away in April, I came to a full STOP. During that time period, I wrote not a word — not on my blog, not anywhere. Normally, I’d tell myself to “write it out,” but the words never came.

Four days after his funeral, I began my “dental journey.” I really want to write DENTAL NIGHTMARE, but I’m determined to stop feeling sorry for myself. During the two months of dental nonsense, my blood sugar was out of whack — low, because I was having such difficulty eating. I felt awful on every level. Feeling sorry for myself, I took the “opportunity” to procrastinate some more.  Poor Kathy.     🙂 

Here’s the Reader’s Digest version: Went to the dentist — my blood sugar is not the only thing out of whack — so are my teeth. (Say it isn’t so!)  As I left his office, I made an appointment for July 6th to START the process OVER!  😦   I swear.  I’m thinking positively. This time it’s going to be perfect — no problems. That’s what I’m telling myself. Going with the flow…

I decided NOT to use this setback as yet another excuse to avoid writing.  Why am I avoiding the one thing I love the most — writing?  I don’t get it.  On Saturday, I made a commitment to get back on the horse and write, write, write — starting Monday (today). Notice, I promised to do it, but not for two more days!!!  (The Master Procrastinator!)

I woke up at 7:15 this morning, and decided to check my e-mail before breakfast and then I would write. First my blog and then a piece for one of my writing groups.  Maybe I’ll take a shower first, do a little laundry…  At 9:05 I opened an e-mail from a friend and fellow member of some writing groups that I attend.  She wrote: Hi Kathy, Would you please send me the address to your blog? Oh, no! I was embarrassed to have to admit that I’ve neglected posting on my blog, as well as the rest of my writing. I’m a MESS.

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But, then it happened. I realized that Linda’s sending me that e-mail was no coincidence. I  don’t believe there ARE coincidences. What I DO believe is that if she hadn’t sent me that e-mail, for sure I would have found another excuse. I responded with diaryofadedicateddiabetic.wordpress.com, and thanked her for being the bearer of the message I needed to hear. I told Linda that, thanks to her, TODAY is the day I climb out of the hole and get back to my life, and importantly, my writing.  …and that’s what I did!

Regarding my blood sugar issue, I’ve decided that, due to my dental dilemma, I will not eat three meals each day. I’ve been so nauseous an have had NO appetite, that I’ve been lucky to get in two. (I’m down 20 lbs since we began my dental work on April 20th.) In an effort to ward off the nausea, I’m going to eat more smaller meals. Maybe that will help. I’m sure it will help to balance out my blood sugar levels.  Because of all this nonsense, they’ve been lower than ever.That would be great, except that I feel horrible. So, tomorrow I’ll be on a regimen of five or six small meals instead of three “normal” meals. I remember, that when I was first diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, that was the instruction I was given, but i haven’t done it in years. Here’s hoping!

Wish me luck–

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Note from God — Dear Kathy,

Monday,  June 20, 2016

In my last post, I pleaded with God to make it STOP — that is, my present situation with dental work (torture!).  I had faith. I trusted Her

As I mentioned, I went to the dentist to redo the process, hopefully ending in a FINAL visit. When we were done, I was thrilled. “It’s so much better,” I told my DDS.  Relieved and happy with the result, I hugged him, and headed for home.

During dinner, I noticed that it was still difficult to chew. It’ll get better I convinced myself. The bad news is, it didn’t — get better.  In fact, I was right back to a higher level of being uncomfortable. The good news is that I wasn’t in pain. But, being uncomfortable on such an elevated level is NOT fun. By the way, have I told you —I AM DIABETIC, and I DO have to eat. Ugh.

Dental work stinks, at least in my opinion! My friends keep asking, “Are you in pain?” I reply in the negative, and watch as they look at me like I’m nuts. Maybe I am, nuts that is. I refuse to list my dental discomfort as painful — I know what REAL pain is and this isn’t it (Trust me). I do tend to minimize, but I know what I’m feeling.

I began my Dental Journey on April 20 — today is June 20!!! That’s long enough. Frustration has risen and fallen throughout these two months. At the beginning, I asked how long it would take until I felt like myself again.  My dentist proclaimed — 6 weeks!

 

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I wasn’t thrilled, but I knew I had no choice.  Just bite the bullet, I told myself. (Later, I learned that “bite” was the operative word.}

Nonetheless, a constant feeling of uncomfortablity is a nightmare.  My mouth feels like it’s full of marbles, my bite is off, and damn it — I can’t chew! Thinking positively, I went to bed convinced that when I woke up, all would be well.  As the sun rose, my mouth felt huge. It’s just not right. Remaining in bed, I thought back to my plea (in my last post). Thoughts of a reprieve wandered through my head. God, I thought, didn’t you hear me! I pleaded, pleaded! You know I don’t do that often. What’s the problem? This shouldn’t be a big deal. Help me out, I screamed at Her.    Silence.

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I gave up, took my blood sugar, and went down to the kitchen for breakfast — thrilling concept. With tears in my eyes, I wrote myself a note to call my DDS for another appointment. I noticed an envelope on the counter. KATHY was written on it, in large, bold letters. Hmmm. Skeptically, I opened it. I didn’t recognize the handwriting, but here’s what it said:  Dear Kathy,    I heard your plea, and I know that you want this dental dilemma to stop. I understand how you feel.  I love to say YES to your requests, but this time my answer has to be NOT YET!  Remember that you’ve gone through much worse situations and came out better for it on the other side. You’ve always learned the “lessons.” Be patient.   Love, God

“WHAT? SHE left me a damn note!” I said aloud.  “Be patient!!!”  

I put the letter back on the counter and began to prepare my breakfast. I started to giggle, and laugh, and then roaring with laughter, I thought, That God, SHE’s got quite a sense of humor.

I put my dishes into the dishwasher and glanced at the clock — 7:45 a.m. — One hour and fifteen minutes until my dentist’s office opens, and I can schedule an appointment.  Be patient,  p a t i  e  n t,  patience,  were the words that flew through my mind. As I went back upstairs, I started to laugh! “PATIENCE.” that’s the lesson!

C’mon, God!    🙂

 

 

WOW!

Sometimes I’m just not “good at this.”

I’ve been on the roller coaster ride that can be DIABETES!  For the last week, I’ve been plagued with cravings. It started last Tuesday when I decided to join a friend for lunch in a diner.  I asked for a to-go box and immediately put half of my food in it for later or for the next day.  Good start, right? 🙂

We had a great lunch. Talked and talked — solving the problems of the world.  🙂

And then it happened.  The waiter approached us and asked if we’d like dessert.  Almost ALWAYS I say, “no thank you.”  So what caused me to cave on this day?   😦   I asked him what the selection was, but that wasn’t good enough. I had to go over to the cases wherein the delectable delights resided. As usual, they were screaming — “Kathy, pick me, pick me!”  After a process of elimination, I chose a mile-high chocolate cream pie.  Oh, the absurdity.  I almost took a picture of the pie, when I realized that I was elevating it to deity status!  Definitely going over the edge, I considered taking another dessert home for later.  Ugh.  I didn’t do it.

I ate every morsel of that pie and on the way home allowed remorse to seep into my being. By the time I pulled into my driveway, I was miserable. After an hour, I started to feel sick — nauseous.  WHY did I do that to myself?  It never fails. Each and every time I make a BAD decision, regarding food, I slip into an abyss of misery.  The rest of that day was a waste. I couldn’t think of anything positive to do to reclaim my happiness. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

Wednesday morning, I got up bright and early and walked.  THIS will be a good day.  The bank, the Post Office, food shopping took up my morning.  I only had half an hour before yoga, so NO time for lunch. I’ll eat later; that’ll be fine.  DUCK!  Here it comes — driving to my yoga class, I pulled into a 7-11 and purchased a really healthy snack — not one, TWO candy bars!  I downed them in the true fashion of a sugar addict — FAST!

Fifteen minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of Absolute Yoga in Woodbury for my class, feeling angry with myself.  Really disgusted.  I confessed my “downfall” to my teacher.  She’s terrific, and we talked about it.  I KNOW every single thing she mentioned, but was unable to put it into practice at that time.  The good news is that our conversation, coupled with a great session of yoga, put me back on track.

Trust me — it hasn’t been easy.  The cravings are still torturing me, but I have more strength, for now — one day at a time.  My refrigerator is stocked, so that when a craving strikes, I have sugar-free Jello on hand, along with fruit and nuts.  I’m ready!  Also, walking in the morning is helping to start off the day on good footing.

The CURE for self-pity is gratitude.  I have so much to be grateful for — I have Type 2 Diabetes; BIG DEAL!  It could be a LOT worse, and I’m grateful that it’s not.

I’m DEDICATED to winning each battle and to have a good and healthy life.

COMMITTED — one day at a time!