Reassessing Acceptance

Second Post for Jan. 28th, 2016

So, I’ve been contemplating whether or not I REALLY accept the “fact” that I have diabetes, OR am I in denial?  Hmmm.  I thought I had this down pat.

I remember well, when I accepted that I had this disease and that I could manage it, and that it wouldn’t be a big deal. Doing EVERYTHING right, I called myself the “poster person for diabetes.” But that didn’t happen until I went through many stages, some of which I’ll mention.  These are all very normal and typical, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

The anger, (This is crap! Why me?). I actually ate AT the diabetes. (While stuffing cake and cookies down my throat, I remember thinking,  I’ll show you!)  Needless to say, that didn’t work out well.

The bargaining (O.K., so maybe I have it.  I’ll just cut down on the carbs, and I’ll be off the hook.  I’ll be fine.  C’mon God, work with me.).

The denial stage is wicked (NOT ME; NO WAY! NO, NO, No!  The lab made a mistake.) …and the beat went on and on and on, until FINALLY — ACCEPTANCE!

WHY then, after all this time, am I floundering, doubting? Why is acceptance even an issue or something that I would be discussing, at this point?

Simple. What I didn’t realize was that because you HAVE acceptance, does NOT mean you’ll keep it!  Acceptance, it seems, is fragile. If I’m not as vigilant as I should be, acceptance can slip away.

Over the years, I’ve learned the importance of education in relation to diabetes. I spent a great deal of time today reading about diabetes.  I have LOTS of what I refer to as “spiritual reading,” on the topic.  🙂    Books — TONS of them.  Article, after article (including the ones noted, via the links on this page).  It helped. It clarified what I already knew, and brought it right to the front of my mind where it belongs. The information is important, it’s a tool, sometimes a weapon, to defend my health. If you are struggling, I highly recommend going back to the resources that you have. Read, read, read.

I know, we all know, that we have to keep our diabetes management right at the forefront of our minds.  I HAS to be the most important thought that enters my head.

Are you familiar with Steve Harvey?  I’ve read his books, and I love his positive attitude. Today, I heard him say, “Inch by inch, everything’s a cinch!”  Isn’t that the truth?  One step at a time, one meal at a time, one day at a time.

** Now that I’ve “reassessed” whether or not I really have diabetes, I’m laughing at myself.  How absurd! Of course I do. But, trust me, that denial just creeps in when you least expect it.  BE AWARE!

Moving on — tomorrow will be another Day #1!

It can be COMPLICATED —

I’m speaking about my computer “complications” — that’s why I’ve been missing in action for a little while.

NOTHING frustrates me more than when all does NOT go well with my “toys” (laptop, iPad, iPhone).  Ah, yet another addiction.  For some reason, nothing is syncing.  Therefore, I can’t post pictures on my blog, at this time (using some “old” ones — sorry); I’m unable to write and send my work out — e-mail issue (I’ve been doing battle with aol about that).  Why do the companies blame each other? I’m determined that by the weekend, my toys will be back on track!

Okay, my title is “It can be COMPLICATED,” and of course you know that diabetes is complicated — whether it be Type 1 or 2.  I’m Type 2, so that’s what I’ll be discussing, and I’ll be surprised if you can’t relate.  {By the way, I realize that we all DO really know the answers to my questions and reasons for my frustration; somehow, it’s still FRUSTRATING.}

This is not a discussion about the medical complications resulting from diabetes — I’m not there and grateful for it. This is simply a discussion about how complicated and frustrating the management of it can be…and what we can DO about that.

The ups and downs of blood glucose ARE complicated — at least to this Dedicated Diabetic, as proven by many posts to this blog (Diary).  Sometimes it’s simple, I write everything down, walk — my blood sugar goes down = Perfecto!  Other times, I end up in the hospital, for something completely unrelated, I walk the halls like a maniac in an attempt to keep my numbers down.  Result = They go up anyway.  Never fails.

You know how it goes.  I go to bed with a 99 and wake up with a 130!  Am I sleep-eating?  AAarrrggghhh!

It just is the way it is.  It’s a puzzle — even though I’ve read the books, met with the doctors, attended the seminars, blah, blah, blah.  Is this reaction a lack of acceptance? I wonder?  I find it hard to believe, but I’ll be delving into that further in the next few days.

As far as what to “do” about it. I’m just going to keep on keeping on, examining advice from others in this boat, and doing the right things to manage this crazy thing called diabetes.  I AM and will continue to be DEDICATED, determined.

Hey Kathy, I scream out at the top of my lungs — SHUT UP AND BE GRATEFUL!

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…and I am.  Thanks for listening.

Any ideas that work for you??????

🙂

“Slipped” on the ice…

O.K., maybe not on the ice.  I “slipped” on some cookies  😦

I went to the doctor for my 3-month Diabetes checkup today.  Everything was great. No surprise to me — I’ve been eating correctly, monitoring my blood sugar, and walking.  Things have been looking up!  She was happy, I was happy.

So, why is it that when I went to the store to get ice melt (FREEZING here in the northeast),  I came out with JUNK?  Why, why, why?  AND, why didn’t I take out my Grapefruit Oil and smell it, in an effort to avoid the craving.  WHY?????

UGH, SO frustrating.

Driving home, I never gave a thought as to what I’d purchased.  When I started to put the items away, that’s when the realization smacked me RIGHT IN THE FACE!  I was really upset and disappointed in myself.  But evidently, not enough to toss the cookies and those cheddar crackers that I like so much into the garbage.  Nope — I had 4 — count ’em, 4 chocolate chip cookies and a small bowl of the crackers.  Truth? They tasted great!  That was around three o’clock. By 4, the carb coma took over, and I had a “nap.”   When I woke up, dinner time was approaching, and naturally I wasn’t hungry. The rest of the night brought misery — you know the deal.  Remorse, embarrassment, anger, blah, blah, blah.

“Get a grip, Kathy!” I yelled at myself.  That’s when I tossed “Satan’s food” into the garbage.  Guilt:  “There are people starving in this world, and you’re throwing out food?” Phrases such as this ran through my head.  Thankfully, my answer was a resounding YES!  Guilt is a wasted emotion, negative and hurtful. There’s no positive purpose in feeling guilty. I’m over it!

It’s kind of interesting how the brain works.  I seem to crave sugar if I’m down, bored, hungry; but also, when I’m “up,” — like today.  I was happy that all was well in my diabetes realm, so I guess I let my guard down.  Lesson Learned!

It’s 11 p.m. now, and I’ll be going to bed soon with the knowledge that tomorrow will be another Day One.  I’ll get up, eat breakfast, go to the mall — and walk, walk, walk. The good news is that I’m confident that tomorrow will be a good day.  I’ve already written two post-its that I’m going to put on the dashboard of my car.  One is a reminder; it simply says, GRAPEFRUIT! to remind me not to “slip,” and to use the tools I have.  Written on the other post-it is one word:  NO! Also, a simple reminder.

At the end of each day, I reflect on what took place during the course of my day that was positive and what was negative.  I’ll review my “slip,” learn from it, and then I’ll let it go. Tomorrow’s another day in the life of this dedicated diabetic, and it’s going to be a GOOD one.

 

PROGRESS — One-day-at-a-time

Every day is Day #1, but progression, in a positive sense, feels great!

This morning, I took my blood sugar — before I put on my sneakers.  Post-breakfast, and Pre-walk it was 156.  Post walk = 67!

That’s an 89 point drop, PEOPLE!     A round of applause, please.  🙂

Worth celebrating, I’d say; but not with a cake, that’s for sure.  Instead, I poured delicious, clear, spring water, in a cold, frosted, stem glass, accompanied by half of a shiny, bright red, with a tinge of yellow, Gala apple — sliced really thin!  Refreshing and delicious, and I’m NOT being sarcastic.

Water in a "stem."           (Paris)
               Water in a “stem.”
                        (Paris)

Celebrating with a Gala!

Celebrating with a Gala!

Progress = one-day-at-a-time.    It’s all about attitude, right?    IMG_3214

 

IT’S COLD outside but, I went “fishing” anyway!

I yell at myself for complaining about the cold weather, after the horrific winter we had last year in the Northeast — it was the worst!

Today I went fishing — not in the great and wonderful Atlantic Ocean,

IMG_1578           — nor in a calm lake …       NOPE!

I took my “fishing rod” — or rather my wallet, and headed to the fish store!

I’ve been eating so much chicken lately, I’m beginning to quack!  A change of pace was definitely in order, so off I went, not in my boat, but instead in my nice warm car.

Later, I headed home with my “loot” — swordfish, salmon, and flounder stuffed with crabmeat.  I picked up a bright yellow pepper to add to the vegetables I already had,; the end result will be grilled or roasted veggies — not sure which, but I’ll let you know.

Have to go now; picking up my walking buddy — gotta get that blood sugar level down!  I’ll let you know later… (By the way, that link above will put you in touch with a very good article on this topic.)

_______________          _______________          ______________

I’m BAAACK… and very happy.  My blood sugar dropped 56 points after walking tonight and 70 points after walking this morning.  It fascinates me, for some reason, that walking has such an impact on it.  Obviously, this is not new news; but, when I monitor/journal my numbers, the results never cease to amaze me.    🙂

If you’re not walking (yet), I strongly recommend that you try it, and be sure to write down the pre and post numbers.  No matter how long you walk, I can’t imagine that you won’t see a drop in your numbers. It’ll boost your confidence!

Go ahead, dust off those sneakers;

*** BUT,  if this is NEW for you — CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST.  There are do’s and don’ts for everything.  We’re all different, so talking with your doctor will get you the vital information that you need.

Here’s an example, as it relates to ME:    If my blood sugar is on the low side (and I know it will drop at least 50 points while I’m walking),  I’ll have a small snack or some crackers to bring my level up before I go walking.  Now that I’ve noticed that my levels are dropping regularly with exercise, I take along a carb (pretzels/crackers) in my pocket, for the just-in-case time that I don’t feel “right.” (Per my doctor’s advice.)

Talk to your doctor, and he/she will give you the advice that’s right for you!

GOOD    LUCK    EVERYONE!     🙂

 

 

 

 

 

BABY IT’S COLD OUTSIDE…

Looks like winter has finally arrived here in the northeast.  So far, we’ve been spared the snow — but it’s COLD!  As a result, I’ve become a “mall walker.”  I’ve been hoofing the mall, and making great “strides” (that’s a pun) on my blood sugar levels.  Sorry 😦

Some examples:

Pre-walk……………..125

Post walk……………..84

Pre-walk……………..142

Post-walk…………….62

Pre-walk……………..145

Post-walk…………….99

Some walks were longer than others. I’ll start timing and paying attention to the length (in miles) tomorrow.

"WALKING BUDDY"
IMPORTANT!

The point is:  WALKING WORKS!!!

 

 

 

 

Trust me folks.  Grab your sneakers —

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and hit the road (or the mall, depending on where you live) —

KODAK Digital Still Camera

 

— and lower your blood glucose levels.       YEA TEAM!!!   🙂

 

BELATED HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy that 2016 has arrived?  I sure am.

My last post was December 4th.  I’ve been slightly distracted — a brief hospital stay (thanks to my wacko heart), and side effects of a new medication, kept me from posting.  BUT, I’m back in action and really happy and grateful to be writing again!   IMG_3344

So, dare I bring up Resolutions for the New Year?  If you made any, have you kept them?

Many moons ago I stopped making resolutions.  Why, you ask?  Simple. I rarely kept them and then suffered remorse, which resulted in doing MORE of what I had resolved to do LESS. 🙂   I decided that a more positive path would put more balance into my life. Focusing on BALANCE — that’s the answer!  Every area of our lives, food, exercise, family, work, all require balance.

The question is, How do we manage this juggling act, we call life?  I have some ideas on this topic. I’ve tried many methods to get this miss-mosh of a life in order. Some have been somewhat successful, others might be referred to as a dismal failure. What’s imperative is that we KEEP ON TRYING!  Here’s a suggestion, based on something that I always need to do:  MAKE A LIST…

There’s no way to have balance in our life, if we don’t know what it is that we value. So…

1.  MAKE A LIST— not in any specific order.  Do you value Work, Fun (recreation), Health, Friends, Spirituality, Family?  Any others?  Write them down.

2.   O.K., now take another sheet of paper and place it next to the list you’ve just completed.  Write PRIORITIES, at the top of this page.  Don’t rush.  Think carefully.

3.  Now, take your first list and write those things that you value, on your PRIORITIES LISTin order, of course, of priority! How important is each one to you, and where should it fit in on the list?  Don’t worry, you can’t make a mistake — this is YOUR list.  [Actually, I found this the most difficult part — What?  You don’t want FUN to be your #1 priority???]   🙂

4.   Next, take your list of priorities, and and create a chart that will allow you to manage your time in relation to your priorities.  Write the amount of TIME (hours, minutes) that you are willing and able to devote to each. Hmmm, is this exercise starting to make you feel uncomfortable?  Don’t panic, you’ll figure it out, and nothing is written in stone. Time is fluid, and sometimes we’re forced to make adjustments.

At this point, you’ve carefully examined your list of priorities — you’ve committed, in writing, those things, tasks, and people that you value the most AND, you’ve established the amount of time that you’re able to devote to each.  GOOD FOR YOU!        

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I CAN DO IT!

For ME managing my diabetes HAS to come FIRST on my list, and I imagine on yours, as well.  Most of us Type 2 diabetics have learned that, if we don’t put management of our diabetes first, nothing else falls into place.

Reflecting at the end of the day (I journal) has helped me to see what area(s) need to be improved.

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My journal helps to keep me on track!

Making time to do those things that make us happy, bring enjoyment to our life, is IMPERATIVE.

We only go this way once, folks!  At least, I think so…

HAPPY NEW YEAR, dear readers, and may 2016 bring laughter, love, and good health into each of your lives — Oh, and BALANCE too!